Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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