Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
