I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
