allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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