God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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