oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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