pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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