I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
