Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
