Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Small penises have feelings too.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
