alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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