K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
