billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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