butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
