I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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