my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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