you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
