if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
this boner is exhausting
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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