Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
