the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Pooping to opera.
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