She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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