I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
