who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
