Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
