i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
