We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
