tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
