im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My breasts were aching with rage.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
