if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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