He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
