i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
