I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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