mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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