i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
