I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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