Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
