i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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