Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
