Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
