Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
well you can't waste a boner
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
