Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We are two peas in an std pod
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
