The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
