Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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