Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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