You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
