I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
