theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
