Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
