Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
