Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
