My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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