I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
