just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
