one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
