Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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