it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it hurts more in the daytime
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
