While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
