dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
