What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
