yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
